It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
