I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
foreskin is a definite game changer
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
