so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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