his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
