Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM