I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.