Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight