I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
