You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits