I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
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Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.