Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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