Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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