In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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