He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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