Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
