Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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