considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize