What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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