I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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