You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
