I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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