idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
