Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
