wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
accomplished twins. life is a go
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
