Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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