he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
