i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
