fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
