Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
