i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
