Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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