why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
