One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
