I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
