We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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