i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
