I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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