I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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