Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
