it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
