did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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