it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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