scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
