Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
