I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
