I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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