If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
