my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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