When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
