Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
