just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
His nipple licking is glorious
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