Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
