End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
