you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize