He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
