so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
