I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
