Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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