Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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