butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
