I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
