My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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