i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Four minutes until I can fart!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
