I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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