Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
