The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i now understand why vodka
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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