girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
