We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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