What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
