Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
