well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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