My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
