perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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