You smell like a Billy Joel song
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize