THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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