Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
