So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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