I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
