my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
