I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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