hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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