Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
