I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
