obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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