Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
