I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
