Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
